Strange Days 1 - Preface
by miyukichan
Summary: A one-shot bit of angsty fluff. Katsumi makes a move on Taka for no good reason then gets drunk and depressed when things go wrong... this is one of my earlier fics, so please be nice.


Miyuki's Zetsuai Page Zetsuai 1989/Bronze   
Strange Days - Prelude By Miyuki-Chan 

Standard disclaimers apply. 

Katsumi Shibuya stared out of the window at the rain and sighed sadly. It did not take a genius to work out that something was on his mind. It was not usual for him to think this deeply. In fact, he sometimes gave the impression that he could get through days at a time without thinking at all. He was, he knew, considered to be a bit of an airhead. It didn't help that he was cheerful, highly sociable and highly blonde. He wasn't feeling very cheerful at the moment, and that, he thought, was part of his problem. 

When someone was-like Katsumi was-naturally vivacious and terribly good at making other people laugh (even if only through sheer embarrassment), people hardly take into account that fact that like any other person they can get depressed too. Katsumi had spent a little too long in an introspective daze and now felt thoroughly sorry for himself. 

"Damn." He muttered. It was funny how language failed you when you needed it most. Katsumi was normally fairly good with words; even if what he said was not always terribly deep or meaningful. 

That morning… 

_God, I really don't want to think about this morning._

That was why he was holed up in his flat (Koji would have been proud of him, if he hadn't been off playing house with Izumi) determined to ignore the world. He'd unplugged the phone and hadn't bothered turning the lights on, despite the fact that it was a grey, miserable day. As far as he was concerned the world could go and get lost until he was ready to deal with it again. As for tonight the best thing he could do was to get horribly drunk-he was assisted in this by a bottle of whiskey which was half-empty already-and forget about it (Koji really would have been proud of him). 

*** 

That morning had started off, if not typically, then in a fairly promising way. Perched precariously on the edge of a desk, Katsumi attempted to balance a cup of coffee on his knee whilst simultaneously make a phone call to Koji's apartment asking if he had any intention whatsoever of showing up that day. He hadn't been talking to Koji, though, but had instead reached Izumi who sounded like he'd just woken up (he had) and was pretty irritated at being woken (he was). 

"What?" Izumi picked up the phone and spoke crossly, even though he was still very tired. "Um. Is Koji awake?" "No, he's not. Don't tell me you want him up already." "Could you wake him up, then?" "You must be joking! The idiot's only just got off to sleep!" "Um. Right." Katsumi said, looking at his wristwatch. "Izumi, it's half seven. Just what were you two doing last night?" "None of your business, idiot!" Izumi slammed the phone down angrily leaving Katsumi looking at the dead receiver and wondering just who it was had thought these alarm calls were a good idea. He was interrupted in his wondering by Takasaka, and in attempting to rise and greet his colleague Katsumi spilt his coffee all over the desk. 

That was the first mistake he made. 

Five minutes later he was dabbing at the spill with a handful of paper towels, really wishing he hadn't put so much sugar in the coffee. It was hell to have to clear up sugary drinks with just a handful of paper towels and cold water, but… what else could you do? 

Takasaka had taken it fairly well, considering that the guy flipped out so easily. He was, at present, also attempting to mop up the coffee whilst giving Katsumi a very funny look. Katsumi was trying not to blush. For some reason it was incredibly embarrassing to have made such a stupid mistake in front of Takasaka, and he couldn't think of anything to say which didn't make him sound even stupider. 

Then Katsumi had the idea, which was the second mistake he made. 

For a long time, he'd liked Takasaka in a friendly way, but recently he'd come to realise that it went quite a bit deeper than that, and that he wasn't really prepared to settle for "just friends". Katsumi was a fairly strong-willed person-his looks could be deceptive-and didn't see any reason why he should have to settle for that. So, he had attempted to let his colleague know, in a fairly subtle way, that he was interested in him. Although Katsumi was fairly good at flirting-"accidentally" putting his arm round Takasaka's shoulders, for example, or making eye contact for a fraction longer than was strictly necessary-his target had persistently either failed to get the hint or denied that anything was there. 

And surely the man liked him. There had been plenty of instances where Takasaka had comforted Katsumi when he was upset, like if Koji had managed to get himself in hospital again, or once when much to his embarrassment, he had just started crying. It was hardly as if they were total strangers. 

So, he suddenly decided, he would have to take a more direct approach, and you should never put off until tomorrow something you could do today. 

That was the third, and by far the biggest mistake. 

So… 

So, he'd waited a while until he and Takasaka were alone. Deciding to skip the preliminaries altogether on the grounds that he couldn't think of any way to say what he'd wanted to say without sounding like Koji at his worst, he had put his arms round the man's neck and kissed him passionately. 

Looking back on the situation, he wondered how he could have done something so stupid. He should have known how the man would have reacted-or overreacted as it inevitably turned out. It was how he reacted to everything which made no sense to him. Katsumi had responded in the only way he knew how, so as to save face. 

Katsumi had pretended he had been joking. 

*** 

So he sat in his flat, alone as usual, and stared at the sky and wondered why he hadn't thought. He'd never felt so alone in his life, not even the night he had spent at Koji's when Koji had decided to shamelessly flaunt his relationship with that emotional cripple Izumi had left him feeling as bad as this. 

_Sometimes I really hate Izumi._

He realised this fact with a shock. Izumi was… well, Izumi was a pain in the ass of the highest order, but Katsumi hadn't felt capable of hating him. Not really, truly hating him. But he did now, for being so anti-social and indifferent to Koji's affections for him, and for having someone care passionately for him. This was something that Katsumi now realised he desperately wanted but did not have, and that Izumi had but did not want, did not even realise how lucky he was to have. 

He hadn't realised how resentful he was of Izumi, someone whom he had previously never even considered envying (Izumi seemed so screwed up and all Katsumi normally felt he was grateful he was not Izumi). He had so little realisation of what he had got in Koji. 

What did people see in Izumi? He was attractive, sure-even Katsumi could tell that-but he was antisocial, stubborn and highly aggravating to be with. He was unfeeling, callous… even his sister was sometimes scared of him! 

_What did Koji see in him? Oh, snap out of it, Katsumi. You won't get anywhere like this.
_

He'd probably feel better in the morning. People always did after making total idiots of themselves. Sleep on it, and he'd probably stop worrying about it as much. 

*** 

The following morning Katsumi woke up on the sofa with a stiff neck, a hangover which felt like some bastard had crashed a lorry in his head, the horrible realisation that he had made a total mess of his flat and a feeling of utter embarrassment-for making a pass at a colleague then attempting to cope wit it by getting blitzed. It all left him wondering if he shouldn't call in sick. But on the off-chance Koji had put in an appearance he couldn't. Koji would just love it too much if he had not shown up because he had a hangover. But then again Koji would also think it hilarious if Katsumi had shown up at work with a hangover. Worrying to himself about what to do next, he fell asleep on the sofa again. 

*** 

The next time Katsumi woke up he felt a little better so he forced himself to get off the sofa even if only to find out the time. He had a minor panic on finding out it was 9:30 and he was running seriously late. He somehow found his way to the bathroom where he splashed cold water on his face and took two pills which claimed to combat (amongst others) lumbago, neuralgia and period pains, but said nothing about hangovers, and cursed himself yet again for not thinking to buy any hangover remedies. Glancing in the mirror he was startled to notice that he looked as wasted as Koji did some mornings. 

_I look half-dead. _

He hadn't slept well and it showed. He looked exhausted, troubled. He barely recognised himself. His hair was a mess for a start, he desperately needed a bath or a shower but didn't have time for it. Leaving the bathroom, he dressed quickly, leaving his discarded clothing in a heap on the floor, then left the flat altogether. 

*** 

To Katsumi's infinite embarrassment, Koji was waiting for him at the office looking disgustingly well-rested and like he owned the place, lounging in an armchair whilst Takasaka stood by him in frustration. The good thing about it was that at least he wouldn't have to talk to Takasaka, who was too busy chiding Koji for his failure to appear at all yesterday. Still, it would have taken a stupider man than Koji not to notice the strained atmosphere around his two colleagues, and a far more tactful one not to bring it up. 

Practically the minute Takasaka stopped speaking, Koji turned and looked directly at Katsumi and gave him a strange little smile. Katsumi was immediately worried. That kind of smile meant Koji was thinking and Koji was dangerous when he thought. "Do I have something on my face?" Katsumi asked him. "I was just wondering what went on between you two yesterday. Kinda makes me wish I'd been here." Koji said with an irritating air of nonchalance calculated to make Katsumi want to hit him hard. "Nothing happened yesterday" Katsumi said too quickly and too defensively. "Then why aren't you even looking at Takasaka? Either you two had an argument or…" Koji began to smile maliciously again, leaving his sentence deliberately unfinished. Katsumi looked at him angrily and blushed. "You made a move on him, didn't you?" Koji said, beginning to snigger. "You made a move on Takasaka. Why is it that all the interesting stuff happens when I'm not here?" Katsumi, totally mortified by now, blushed and attempted to find something to say back to Koji, but words had failed him again. Takasaka looked bewildered and on the verge of another attack of nerves. Koji took one look at the two of them and laughed in earnest. 

_He's right,_ Katsumi thought, looking at Koji and blushing again. _We'd make a ridiculous couple. Who did I think I was kidding?_

*** 

The day had gone downhill form there and by lunchtime Katsumi felt utterly wasted, so wasted that he decided to retreat to a seldom-used office and fall asleep for a few hours. His hangover was still making its' presence known and in his mad rush from his flat he had forgotten to take any more. Since the pill he had taken before leaving had long since worn off and he didn't think he could bear to drink another cup of awful coffee-why was it that no-one in the whole office could make good coffee was beyond him-the best thing he could think of doing was trying to sleep for a while and see if he felt any better afterwards. 

_God, this stupid hangover! You'd have thought it would have had enough by now! That's the last time I drink whiskey on an empty stomach._

The stupid stuff hadn't even helped him forget (at least not until he'd passed out). It had just made him feel even more depressed and had added self-disgust to his problems. He didn't even like whiskey that much when it came down to it, especially not in the quantities which he had drunk it last night. It had just been something convenient he had in the flat and made him far drunker far quicker than the only other alcohol in his flat would have done (white wine-in an intoxicated experiment he had actually mixed the whisky with the wine. It had tasted foul). 

He heard the door open and willed whoever it was who had decided to intrude on his contemplative self-loathing to go away. He wasn't in the mood to be sociable, it was too much hard work to pretend to be nice with his hangover. 

"Katsumi?" Takasaka. Oh, great… what did he want? 

_Oh, go away, Takasaka. Leave me alone._

"What?" He was surprised that he could still sound halfway civil, even if he didn't feel it. "Is this important, Takasaka, cos it had better be. I've got a hangover and I want to sleep." "You're getting as bad as Koji." "Just say what you've come to say and leave me alone." Katsumi muttered. He felt dreadful and what was more was painfully aware of the social wrongness of the situation. What do you say to a guy you have tried to make a move on only to have him freak completely? He couldn't think of anything. Ridiculous, when he could talk for hours about nothing at all to people he didn't give a damn for, yet when it came to attempting to explain something deeply important to someone he genuinely cared for he could not think of a single thing to say. 

In the past twenty-four hours he had been stuck for words more times than he had over the last six months, for God's sake. 

Takasaka was flustered. "Sorry, I… I wanted to ask you a question." "Couldn't you have asked Koji? Or anyone but me? I wanted to be left alone and…" "You're not yourself today." Takasaka said, cutting him off. Katsumi thought he sounded concerned, but he could have been imagining it… just hearing what he wanted to. "It's about what happened yesterday, isn't it?" The boy folded his arms and looked away. "As far as I am concerned, nothing happened yesterday." "Then you _were_ joking." Katsumi started. There was no mistaking the tone of that remark. Takasaka had sounded a little upset. "I'll leave you alone then, Shibuya." He turned to go. "Don't." Katsumi grabbed his arm. "You're telling me you hoped I wasn't joking?" He looked urgently at Takasaka. "Don't tell me I drunk myself into a stupor last night for nothing." "Is that why you got drunk?" "Don't tell me this was all just a stupid misunderstanding!" Katsumi had never felt so confused. He was incredibly angry, relieved and exhilarated at once. He wanted to hug Takasaka, whilst wanting to hit him just as bad. "If that's the case, then why the hell did you get so upset? Why did you let me believe you didn't even like me?" If this was how Izumi felt when around Koji he could understand the guy being a screw-up. Takasaka looked anxiously at Katsumi, who still had not let his arm go. A little longer and he would have another nervous attack, if Katsumi continued acting so intensely. Noticing his panic, Katsumi let him go and took a pace back. "Look." Katsumi said, slowly. "If… if I was to do what I did yesterday again…" he tailed off, looking deeply embarrassed. "Would I panic?" Takasaka finished Katsumi's sentence for him. "I don't know." 

"You don't know? Really?" Katsumi smiled properly for the first time in hours. "Well. I'm sure you could find out quite easily." 

~owari~ 

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